‘I would have become an egoic maniac’: Virat Kohli speaks about his battles with mental health

Former India and Royal Challengers Bangalore captain Virat Kohli, in a candid conversation with Robin Uthappa, spoke about the challenges he faced during his battle with mental health issues and how his wife Anushka Sharma helped him to deal with the same.
Acknowledging the role of his wife, Kohli said,” I always say Anushka’s name, because she has seen the challenges of being in this position. She knows it. She has been there for so many years. She still understands that what it takes to handle the pressure of a public figure.”
So her conversations with me have always been priceless, because she tells me the truth,” said Kohli on Jio Cinemas.
“How she spoke to me during that whole phase is something that kept me in check. Had I been left to myself to figure out, I would have become an egoic maniac. I would have been even more snappier and cranky. But she made me more humble as we grew together.”
“The one thing that I learnt looking at my child was to be present. But I was hardly present,” said Kohli while talking about the influence of his daughter Vamika. “She would be in the moment, present; I wasn’t.”
Virat Kohli and wife Anushka Sharma. (Photo: Instagram/anushkasharma)
However, Kohli had to deal with mental health issues.
“It became difficult (to maintain mental health balance ) for me, I won’t lie. Things got very very hectic. But then you had to step away. In times when everyone is trying to grab more and more and more, I was like if I keep being part of this rat race I am going to go in a space which is very very unhealthy, so me taking time off from the game was probably the most important thing that I needed at that moment”, said Kohli.
Kohli also admitted that stardom had affected him and started to weigh on his shoulders. When Uthappa quoted Shahrukh Khan quote about he sometimes started to live up to the myth of Shahrukh and asked if Kohli had done the same, his reply was frank.
Royal Challengers Bangalore batter Virat Kohli walks off the field. (PTI Photo)
“I won’t be dishonest…I was doing that for a long period of time. Till the time that it became so unhealthy where I was trying to live upto the expectations and this idea of Virat Kohli in people’s heads, … like this guy has to operate in this way, he has to present himself in a certain manner and that was eating me up from the inside because I have never been a guy to pretend or portray someone that I am not.” Kohli added.
Kohli also thanked Uthappa for being in touch with him during his challenging phase.
RCB, Virat Kohli practice bats ahead of the Indian Premier League (IPL) cricket match. (AP Photo)
“I was not in a space where I was comfortable with myself, I was looking for all kinds of excuses that it must be happening because of this and that or technical changes. But you were in touch with me at that point of time and I beyond a point I figured out people cannot feel what I am feeling. You sensed something with my body language and asked ‘Are you okay? Just wanted to check in on you.’ That happened very rarely,” he revealed.

He also talked about how the break for six weeks, away from cricket, reenergised him; and how it wasn’t technical but mental changes.
“Everyone was like we observe this and this is the solution for it. I couldn’t get the point across that whatever shortcoming is there is because of this (pointing towards his head). When you are not right mentally, you are all over the place. There were no technical issues because I have done this for 15 years. It can’t be that all went to a standstill and the technical issues pop out right now. When I came back fresh and started hitting the ball again and people were like ‘oh you made some serious changes’. But I didn’t pick up the bat for six weeks.”‘