Dia Mirza reveals how step-daughter Samaira has saved her contact: ‘Not the wicked step-mother yet…’
On the occasion of Mother’s Day, new mom Dia Mirza spoke to about how she coped with being separated from her son Avyaan Azaad just after he was born, due to his health conditions. She also spoke about having a marriage of equals with her husband Vaibhav, and the rules they follow in bringing up their children.
Dia also opened up about embracing motherhood, not only with her son Avyaan but also her step-daughter Samaira, who has saved her name on her phone as “not the wicked step mother yet”.
Excerpts from the interview:
Q} When your son was born, it wasn’t really smooth, with his health concerns…
He is a little warrior. He has been through so much but he is filled with so much love and grace and I learn so much from that child everyday. I am just filled with immense gratitude that he is healthy and that he is safe and everything is okay. I think that challenges like these prepare us to handle life better and I am just happy that it is behind us, that he is okay, and we are all okay, I don’t sleep one night before saying a thank you to everybody and just being so grateful for having him and for the fact that he is okay.
Q) As a working mother, how difficult does it get to leave your child behind when you leave for work?
He is never left alone, either it is me or my husband or my mother with him. I keep video calling and seeing through the camera what he’s doing, if he’s been fed. And my husband very sweetly sends me videos. Right now, I have not really left him for extended periods of time, I’ve left him for short periods of time and I don’t know how it is going to be like when I am away from him for longer, when I am out for 25 days at a stretch, I guess I’ll find out.
Q) When you embraced motherhood, you didn’t only bring Avyaan in your life, but Samaira, your step-daughter, too. Were there any initial hiccups?
It was seamless. I’ve always been extremely maternal. I’ve been maternal with my friends, with my colleagues, with friends’ children and I was exactly like that with Samaira as well. But with her, I feel like, I have and I continue to let her take the lead in our relationship, and I follow. What I mean when I say that is that I am always there for her, she knows that. I always say that we are friends first and whenever she needs me as a parent, that’s what my pediatrician said to me, a child will always do what he or she wants. And, of course it helps when you can be gentle, be open and be patient, any relationship requires time and children are incredible, they have an amazing ability to accept and love and give. And in my case, I am very fortunate that I have become a parent to a child who is so open and so receptive and so wonderful. Don’t try and be someone else for the child, be yourself and the child will value that and appreciate that. Any human being would. I also helps if your children don’t read fairytales, because the concept of a wicked step-father or a wicked step-mother, all these concepts come from those stories and thankfully I never read them and I make sure my kids don’t either. And, funnily enough, Samaira has my number saved as ‘not the wicked step mother yet’.
Q) Are there any rules you have chalked for bringing up your children?
When you are bringing up children in this extremely consumer world, it is very important to have some rules. The first rule we have is that no plastics will be allowed, no plastic toys, even if it is the world’s best toy, but it is made of plastic, then it is not allowed. Thankfully everybody is following this rule around me.
Next would be that we don’t talk about money in front of the children. We talk about it as something that you earn with value and respect it but there should never be a conversation about how you’re spending it, because I don’t think children are equipped to really understand how hard it is to make the money and therefore they don’t comprehend some of the choices that you may make.
The third thing is to never disagree in the presence of our children, on anything. So, if we have any disagreement on any subject, we do it privately. In the moment, if the children are present in front of us, we allow whichever partner is taking the lead to take the lead and later on, in privacy, we discuss what we disagreed with each other on.
Q) What is your parental philosophy like? Do you have a plan on how you want to bring up your children?
With me it was, my parents followed the words of Khalil Gibran. ‘Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.’ My parents always treated me as an individual and I hope I can ensure that we raise our children with a sense of safety and security and bring them up to be independent, thinking and feeling individuals.
