‘Bahut darr lagta hai akelepan mein’: Psycholog analyses Bharti Singh’s persent fear of being alone at home, work, or while travelling that stems from her childhood | Lifestyle News

Fear of being alone is often brushed off as a personality quirk or emotional dependence, but for many people, it runs much deeper. Loneliness anxiety can stem from early experiences, unresolved childhood fears, or a nervous system that learned to associate solitude with danger rather than rest. Opening up about this vulnerability on Raj Shamani’s podcast, comedian Bharti Singh recently spoke candidly about how deeply solitude unsettles her. When asked if she feels scared of being alone, she admitted, “Haan bahut. Sach mein bahut darr lagta hai akelepan mein (Yes, a lot. I really feel scared. I feel scared of being alone).” 
She explained how this fear shapes her everyday life even now: “Today, Haarsh will come home at 2 am. I will stay awake till 2 am. Everyone is at home except me. I cannot live alone. Whether it is at home or travelling. Because I have always been in a crowd.” Her words echo the experiences of many adults who feel safest when surrounded others, without fully understanding why.
Tracing this fear back to her childhood, Bharti described moments that left a lasting imprint. “Because in my childhood, where there was a light switch, I could not reach there. And for so long, I used to sit outside the door. There are two steps of the gate. In Punjab, it is called Thada. So, I used to sit there.” 
She recalled the house being dark while the street lights were on, adding, “Oh, something is happening to me. I really feel scared of being alone.” 
But how do childhood experiences shape adult anxiety around solitude, even decades later?
Neha Cadabam, senior psycholog & executive director, Cadabam’s Hospitals, tells , “Early childhood fears are rarely about darkness or being alone in a literal sense. They are usually about safety and attachment. When a child repeatedly experiences fear without adequate emotional reassurance, the nervous system learns to associate solitude with danger.”
She adds that this learning happens at a very visceral level, not a cognitive one. “Even decades later, the body can react to being alone with the same heightened alertness, racing thoughts, or unease, even when the adult mind knows there is no real threat. Essentially, the nervous system remembers what the mind has long forgotten.”

Difference between normal discomfort with being alone and a deeper fear of loneliness that affects daily functioning
“Feeling uneasy or bored while alone is a normal human experience,” notes Cadabam, adding that a deeper fear of loneliness becomes a concern “when solitude triggers intense anxiety, panic, or a sense of emotional collapse.” People may constantly seek noise, company, or draction, avoid being alone at home, struggle with solo travel, or feel dressed when separated from familiar people.
“The key difference is impairment. When the fear starts shaping daily choices, relationships, or self-worth, it moves beyond discomfort into an anxiety pattern that deserves attention and care,” says the expert.Story continues below this ad
How adults can gently retrain their nervous system to feel safe alone
The goal is not to push oneself into solitude abruptly, but to build safety in small, compassionate steps. Cadabam mentions, “This can include spending short, intentional moments alone while engaging in grounding activities like lening to music, journaling, or mindful breathing. Creating predictability and comfort in the environment also helps the nervous system relax.”
Most importantly, the psycholog says that adults need to acknowledge the fear without judging it. “Therapy can play a key role helping individuals process the original emotional memories that shaped the fear, allowing the body to slowly learn that being alone no longer equals being unsafe.”