Married at 19, Naseeruddin Shah was ‘obnoxious’ to first wife; ‘absent dad’ to daughter Heeba | Bollywood News

Naseeruddin Shah and Ratna Pathak Shah are often regarded as one of Bollywood’s most enduring couples, admired for their honesty, mutual respect and decades-long companionship. But years before marrying Ratna in 1982, Naseeruddin went through a deeply troubled first marriage with Purveen Murad aka Manara Sikri (the ser of actor Surekha Sikri), with whom he had a daughter, Heeba. In his autobiography And Then One Day, the veteran actor looks back on that phase with remarkable candour, admitting he was an emotionally immature husband and an absent father in his early twenties.The story dates back to the late 1960s, when a 19-year-old Naseeruddin Shah, then studying at Aligarh Muslim University, had fallen in love with theatre. While his family strongly opposed his acting ambitions, he found unwavering support in Purveen Murad, a 34-year-old medical intern at the same university. Encouraged the only person who truly believed in his dream, Naseer fell deeply in love with her despite their 15-year age gap, and the two eventually got married.
Film star Naseeruddin Shah in film JALWA. Express archive photo
The age difference, however, was not their biggest challenge. Both families opposed the marriage for different reasons. Naseer’s family objected because Purveen was a divorcee with two children, while her family feared the young actor would eventually change his mind. To reassure them, Naseer even agreed to pay alimony in the event of a divorce, little knowing that the marriage would soon begin to unravel.
The birth of their first child changed everything
Within a year of their wedding, Purveen gave birth to their daughter, Heeba. Instead of bringing them closer, the arrival of their child widened the emotional dance between the couple. In his memoir, Naseer takes full responsibility for the failure of his marriage.
He writes, “Through the period of her pregnancy, Purveen had turned really moody, and my utter incomprehension of the miracle occurring within her and total oblivion to what was expected of me didn’t help. Many serious arguments, which I always got the worst of, were the result.”
Naseeruddin Shah and Heeba Shah in film RVISMAT. Express archive photo
Looking back at himself as a 21-year-old, the actor admits he was hopelessly self-absorbed and incapable of supporting his wife emotionally.
“I was incapable of contributing in any way at all to making her feel good about herself. I found the bar on sex not easy to handle either. My attentions had already begun to wander and were beginning to zero in on R, a rather good-looking second-year student who, as a whore in the NSD production of The Threepenny Opera, had earlier caught my fancy.”Story continues below this ad
‘I began to resent this child’
the time Purveen entered the final trimester of her pregnancy, Naseer had joined the National School of Drama, where his aspirations increasingly overshadowed his responsibilities at home.
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“As for me, without a clue of the responsibilities it entailed, the trouble that’s part of the whole deal, and then the indescribable joy it brings, I had no time to spare for the life I was helping bring into the world; only my own gratification took priority, nothing else mattered,” he writes. The actor also confessed that he remained largely oblivious to everything his wife was going through while preparing for the birth of their child. “I did occasionally steal some roses from the university garden and bring them to Purveen in my cycle basket. That pleased her, but apart from that I played the part of the obnoxious adolescent to perfection. The role of father was way beyond my ken.”
He recalls being reprimanded his mother-in-law and slowly beginning to help with household chores, including washing dishes. Yet emotionally, he continued to drift away.Story continues below this ad
Film star Naseeruddin Shah, Ratna Pathak Shah and Heeba Shah in Urdu play ISMAT APA KE NAAM. (Photo: Express Archive)
“I slowly began to resent this child who was coming between me and the only woman who had ever given me any attention; and when the ba finally arrived, the neglect I displayed still shames me deeply all these decades later.”
Four days after Heeba’s birth, he had to return to NSD because missing classes meant losing a part of his scholarship. Although Heeba’s arrival briefly softened the relationship between Naseer and his father, the dance between him and Purveen only continued to grow.
‘I was insecure, ill-adjusted’
“Heeba’s arrival actually caused Baba and me to be civil to each other for a while, but now the gulf with Purveen had widened. Her whole life now revolved around Heeba and she and I had precious little to say to each other anymore. The stimulation of being on the cusp of a life of professional acting ensured that I didn’t miss her at all.”
Reflecting on that period, the actor attempts to explain—not excuse—his behaviour.Story continues below this ad
“My indifference to Heeba can only be explained, though not condoned, the fact that I myself was then an insecure, ill-adjusted twenty-one-year-old with absolutely no conception of what it took to rear a newborn, and I completely shirked my share of the duties while idiotically attempting at the same time to assert my rights as a husband.”
As communication between the couple broke down, the marriage reached its lowest point.
“The only way of dealing with a wife, in the world according to the Shahs, was with firmness and authority. Not unaware that I was thoroughly incapable of either, I retreated into a resentful shell. It hurt to know I was no longer the most important thing in Purveen’s life.”
He also admits that he remained emotionally detached from his daughter for years. “I have no idea in what sort of light I will appear if I say that for an unconscionably long time I felt nothing whatsoever for the child Heeba, but it is necessary that I confess it. She didn’t figure at all; it was almost as if she didn’t even ex.”Story continues below this ad
When Naseeruddin Shah met Ratna Pathak
then, Naseer had already met Ratna Pathak during his theatre days. Although the two fell in love, they could not marry until 1982 because his divorce from Purveen had not been finalised. According to the actor, arranging the agreed settlement took several years. In his memoir, he describes Ratna as the “only love” of his life.
Ratna Pathak Shah and Naseeruddin Shah at their Mumbai home. The couple in the play Dear Liar. Express archive photo.
Their marriage, too, came with its share of challenges. Speaking to The Lallantop, Ratna recalled that both families had reservations about the relationship because acting was considered an uncertain profession. “So, this was the problem, and on top of it, he was an actor. Back then, Naseer would often hear, ‘How can a guy with a face like that become an actor?’ Even if you are a wonderful actor, survival in this profession is never guaranteed. It’s a tough life.”
She added, “My parents were worried about how we would survive. My father died very young, but my mother and Naseer eventually became very close. So it wasn’t a problem at all. Naseer’s family accepted me happily and without any questions.”
Despite the initial hiccups, Heeba and Naseer share a strong bond
Meanwhile, Parveen is believed to have moved abroad with Heeba, where she continued practising medicine. Naseer had little contact with his daughter during her early years. As he grew older, however, the actor made efforts to rebuild their relationship. Heeba began visiting him during school vacations, and after Purveen’s death, she moved in with her father. Today, she shares a close bond with Naseer, Ratna, and her half-brothers, Vivaan and Imaad Shah. The family has frequently collaborated on theatre productions.Story continues below this ad
Speaking about working with her father and stepmother, Heeba told Aadyam Theatre, “They have been strict but also kind at the same time. Of course, we all got yelled at. They have also given me the space and appreciated me when I worked hard. They made sure I was always on my toes.”
Reflecting on fatherhood years later, Naseeruddin admitted during a conversation with Yuvaa, “I have been a very strict father. I don’t want my children to be intimidated me or take me too seriously. I don’t know how much of that I have achieved. I can say that I have never been an ideal father because often my anger issues came in between.”