Neha Dhupia on working moms’ guilt

Neha Dhupia recently shed light on a double-edged issue related to motherhood, explicitly addressing the concept of mom guilt. In a thought-provoking reflection with Yuvaa, she shared how the constant push and pull between work and parenting often leaves her overwhelmed. “I am guilty all the time. If you ask me one more question, I’d probably cry,” Neha said. Recalling a moment with her young daughter, she added, “She told me the other day, ‘Mama, you are just coming back home for bedtime, and then I don’t see you…’ It’s a small little line, but it’s loaded.”Her words bring into sharp focus the invisible emotional labour working mothers shoulder. According to Dr Pavitra Shankar, Associate Consultant – Psychiatry at Aakash Healthcare, “This guilt is not uncommon, but its emotional ripple effects are both for mothers and children.
How children experience a parent’s absence
Young children, Shankar explains, do not logically process absence. They experience it emotionally. “Children at a tender age do not measure time in hours spent together, but in emotional availability. When a parent is frequently absent due to work, a child may internalise this not as a lack of love, but as emotional dance.”
This internalisation can show up subtly. Increased clinginess, separation anxiety, sleep durbances, irritability, behavioural regression, or heightened emotional reactions—especially during transitions like bedtime or school drop-offs—can all be signals. Some children may become unusually quiet or overly compliant, while others may act out to seek attention, Dr Shankar adds.
“These responses don’t mean the child is damaged,” she clarifies. “They indicate the child is trying to balance absence with a need for emotional security.”
She further emphasises that the quality of connection matters more than quantity of time—predictable routines, reassurance, and emotionally attuned interactions help children feel safe even when parents are not always present.
Neha also spoke about the exhausting emotional cycle many working mothers find themselves trapped in. She shared, “When it goes on the other side. And you are spending too much time at home because you are guilty, then you start feeling guilty about being absent from work. So to say that I don’t have any mom guilt, none of it is true,” Neha added.

When guilt becomes the emotional atmosphere at home
“When guilt dominates a parent’s emotional state, children sense it, even if nothing is said aloud,” says Dr Shankar. “Children are extremely perceptive to emotional cues. A parent may be physically present, but emotionally dracted stress or self-blame.”Story continues below this ad
“Secure attachment doesn’t require constant physical presence,” Dr Shankar explains. “It requires emotional reliability. When guilt overshadows interactions, children may become hyper-vigilant to a parent’s mood, try to ‘manage’ the parent’s emotions, or withdraw altogether.”

Responding without transferring guilt
Statements like “I only see you at bedtime” are often interpreted parents as accusations. But Dr Shankar believed they are actually expressions of longing.
“When a child says this, they’re saying ‘I miss you,’ not ‘you’re failing me,’” Dr Shankar notes. “The healthiest response starts with validation, not explanation or defence.”
Rather than rushing to justify work commitments or overcompensating out of guilt, parents can reflect the emotion to the child—acknowledging the feeling without making the child responsible for adult choices.Story continues below this ad
“It’s important not to place emotional weight on the child saying things like, ‘I’m doing this sacrifice for you,’” she adds. “That creates guilt in the child.”
Reframing mom guilt—for both mother and child
As Neha summed up: “The guilt kills you all the time… So to say that I don’t have any mom guilt—none of it is true.”
Dr Shankar believes the first step in reframing mom guilt is recognising that it often stems from unrealic expectations, not actual emotional harm.
“Children benefit not just from parental sacrifice, but from seeing emotionally stable adults who value themselves,” she says. “When mothers view their professional identity as part of a whole, fulfilled self—not as something competing with caregiving—they model balance and self-worth.”Story continues below this ad
This shift reduces anxiety-driven parenting and prevents guilt-based overcompensation. It also sends an important message to children: love is not measured constant presence, but consency, honesty, and emotional safety, she elaborates.
“Letting go of excessive guilt protects children,” Dr Shankar concludes. “An emotionally grounded parent offers far more security than a parent consumed self-doubt.”
DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.