Fatima Sana Shaikh recalls a subtle dating red flag in her past relationship: ‘He would feel that I actually cheated on him’ | Feelings News

During the promotions of her latest film release, ‘Aap Jaisa Koi’, Fatima Sana Shaikh opened up about a subtle dating red flag she noticed in a past relationship. Shaikh shared that she has realised it comes down to clothes for many men. “Like, don’t wear this, don’t wear that. For many men in relationships, conversations about clothes are common. It’s like there’s nothing else to a relationship,” said the Bollywood actor.
“You know what happens? I have realised that it was his conditioning. It wasn’t like my partner was – oh, you don’t wear this. He wouldn’t come aggressively. He used to feel bad. He would feel that I actually cheated on him,” she told Hauterrfly.
When one partner attempts to control or change the other, it can undermine trust and mutual respect, leading to a dysfunctional dynamic. Understanding why some individuals seek to control their partners and how to address these behaviours is essential for maintaining healthy, balanced relationships.
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Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherap, The Answer Room, told , “Controlling behaviour in relationships often stems from deep-seated psychological issues or unmet needs, originating either in childhood or from adult experiences.”
Common psychological reasons behind controlling behaviour in relationships
Khangarot says, “One of the primary reasons is low self-esteem and insecurity. Individuals who do not feel secure within themselves or have a negative self-image may try to control others to compensate for their lack of internal stability.”
Fear of abandonment is another powerful psychological driver behind controlling behaviour, adds Khangarot. A person with a deep-rooted fear of being left alone may try to control their partner’s actions, believing that doing so will prevent them from leaving the relationship.
Controlling relationships can be toxic (Source: Freepik)
She added that individuals who have experienced past abuse or trauma might engage in controlling behaviours as a misguided attempt to feel safe and protect themselves from potential harm. “Those with attachment issues, particularly those with anxious or disorganised attachment styles, may feel that controlling their partner is necessary to maintain relationship stability,” she said, adding that this behaviour often arises from an inability to express emotions or needs in healthier ways.Story continues below this ad
Khangarot explained, “Finally, unrealic expectations can also lead to controlling behaviour. Some individuals may try to mould their partner into an ‘ideal’ version, believing that this will ensure the relationship’s success.”
Other subtle signs of controlling behaviour in relationships
Boundary Breaches: Frequent requests to step out of your comfort zone to meet the partner’s desires, with little regard for your own boundaries and preferences. A healthy relationship should respect individuality and personal boundaries.
Emotional Manipulation and Gaslighting: Techniques like gaslighting are used to make a partner doubt their perceptions and beliefs, there gaining control. This can involve intense emotional blackmail (e.g., “If you love me, you would…”).

Constant Criticism Disguised as Care: Criticising a partner’s choices, appearance, or behaviour under the guise of wanting them to improve or become a “better version” of themselves, when the true intention is control.Story continues below this ad
Isolation Tactics: Encouraging or coercing the partner to cut ties with family and friends, or deliberately creating conflict before important events to prevent the partner from attending.