How to strike a balance between strict and overbearing parenting?
Farah Khan’s YouTube channel is a treasure trove for homely recipes, peppered in with candid conversations with celebrities. One of the guests on her show, Rubina Dilaik, whipped up a delicious cheese paneer masala with apple chutney. A new mom to two daughters, Dilaik took advice from the host on parenting, and here’s what Khan had to share:
“I am a strict mom; they just can’t go wherever they want without me tracking them. Every evening, we have a gossip chat. I say gossip so that I get to know what is going on in their lives. Even though I am strict, that way, I am a cool and fun mom.”
Reflecting on the Bollywood director’s statement, Muskan Marwah, a psycholog at Mpower, Aditya Birla Education Trust, shared that parenting is a delicate balance of providing guidance, structure, and love while allowing children the space to grow and learn independently. One of the most challenging tasks parents face is finding the right balance between being strict and overbearing. While boundaries are necessary for development, overstepping those boundaries can have unintended consequences.
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The importance of being strict but supportive
“Strict parenting often involves setting clear rules, high expectations, and consequences for behaviors. Children benefit from structure and routine, which give them a sense of security. When parents enforce rules consently and provide clear guidelines, children develop decision-making skills and responsibility,” said Marwah. However, the key is to be supportive in the approach. Parents should explain why rules are in place and offer positive reinforcement when their child follows them.
Strict vs overbearing
Marwah explained that while setting boundaries is essential, overbearing parenting involves excessive control over every action, decision, and social interaction. This can lead to feelings of being stifled or misunderstood. Overbearing behavior may include micromanaging, imposing unrealic expectations, or demanding perfection, which can cause anxiety, frustration, and a lack of self-confidence in children.
“Overbearing parenting can drive children away emotionally. Adolescents, in particular, need to assert their independence, and constant control can prevent this growth. As a result, children may rebel, withdraw, or develop strained relationships with their parents,” said the psycholog.
Create a safe space for children to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. (Source: Freepik)
Strategies to maintain balance
Marwah recommended a few strategies parents can adopt to maintain this precarious balance:Story continues below this ad
1. Set clear, consent boundaries: Establish age-appropriate rules and consently enforce them with reasonable consequences.
2. Foster open communication: Create a safe space for children to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
3. Encourage independence: Allow children to make decisions within structured boundaries, supporting age-appropriate risks.
4. Praise effort, not perfection: Emphasize the importance of effort and progress over perfection, fostering a growth mindset.Story continues below this ad
5. Be supportive, not controlling: Offer emotional support while refraining from micromanaging your child’s actions.
6. Adjust expectations based on developmental stages: Tailor your approach to your child’s age and maturity level.
