‘Siddharth and I had no shared hob; some things should be individual’: Vidya Balan on lockdown experiences, fighting over laundry

Not only is she a powerful performer on-screen, but off-screen, too, she is a firebrand. Vidya Balan, who has essayed many iconic roles in films like Kahaani, No One Killed Jessica, Natkhat and The Dirty Picture, to name a few, believes that in order to achieve equality of the genders, one has to “realise” in the first place that there is “inequality”.
In conversation with recently, the actor said more dialogue surrounding roles and responsibilities of men and women in the house and society needs to happen so as to reach a “starting point” in a “constructive manner”.

Among other things, she also talked about the bliss of not following a stringent routine, the need to take care of mental health and her idea of fashion — saris and beyond.

Excerpts:
How would you define gender equality and how can it be achieved at home?
Equality is when you truly recognise a woman as a person who is your equal. For that, women need to realise that first. Within households, however, very often this is not the reality. Household chores are still considered only a woman’s job, arising out of decades of conditioning and unconscious bias. We have grown up seeing women around us take up the entire responsibility singularly, and that is what we end up assuming is the way it should be.
But things are changing. Men are opening to doing more within households. We need to get to a place where household chores are a joint responsibility between husband and wife, brother and ser, etc., and there is no disproportionate load on any one person.

And the way to reach there is awareness. Realising there is inequality, and then talking to the family about it to tackle it in a constructive manner can be a great starting point. Conversations can help break the conditioning making us introspect and realise. demanding equality, women can open their husband’s minds. Only when we see equality, we share the load. I appreciate all that Ariel has been doing for the last 7 years in advocating for equality within households and providing a platform and sparking these conversations.

What domestic changes did you notice in the last two years of the pandemic, and how big of a support has your husband been?
We had so much fun fighting over whose turn it is to do the laundry!

A lot of people have been impacted negatively when it comes to their mental health; how do you take care of yours?
Even before the pandemic, almost a decade ago, I realised how important it is to take care of one’s mental health. In the pandemic, it has been a challenge for many staying at home and doing double duty on the home-front and the work-front. It has taken its toll but, it’s a big ‘but’, when people take care of each other and share the load so that everyone can have their ‘me-time’ and shake away their blues, enjoying something just for themselves.
It is also very important to communicate your needs and len to your partner’s. This only happens when you see equal and share the load.

And doing so, we can also find time for ourselves. It is important to take some downtime, relax, do what we want for ourselves, and dissociate from the daily tasks and to-do ls.

Tell us about your everyday routine — how do you start and end your day?
My routine is purely dictated whether or not I am working on that particular day. If I have a shoot or meetings, the day has its own routine. But, on the days that I am not working, the beauty is that there is no routine, it is fluid. I like to keep it stress-free so that I can rejuvenate and recoup for the days when I go back to work.
Your sense of fashion is unique and your love for saris is palpable. Do you have a favourite?
I have a lot of favourite saris and I cannot choose any one! But, if I absolutely have to, it would be a parrot green, gold and red Kanjivaram sari that my parents gifted me. I wore it to the Screen Awards when I received my first Best Actress [award]. That will always be very special.

Besides the sari, what is it that you consider to be a wardrobe essential?
Honestly, I am not someone who believes in dictating what should comprise wardrobe essentials. It is subjective and personal. For me, cotton dresses and salwar kameez — especially given our weather — are things that I wear very often. Even when I wear jeans, I wear only cotton shirts. I absolutely love cotton and linen.

Any pandemic hob that you and your husband picked up in the lockdown, and continue to enjoy still?
The lockdown had a different rhythm to it, and we did not pick up any hobbies — we shared the load on household chores. We also ended up watching a lot [of content] on OTT platforms. (Laughs) There was no shared hob. I think some things should be individual.

Your message to Indian women on self-care, self-love and finding their voice?
Self-love is the most important love. We are often so harsh on ourselves that we don’t give ourselves enough credit — we are doing our best, and that’s what matters!

Secondly, equality at home fosters stronger relationships between couples. The more conversations we have around it, the more examples we see around us of men and women taking up joint responsibility of household chores and everything else, the more chances of us reassessing our own biases and bringing in change.

In case we find ourselves in a situation where we are not seen as equals, we need to dialogue with people to make them realise this. There is no right or wrong time, but unless we voice our opinion, we won’t be able to get men to take note of the unconscious biases that stops them from being an equal partner. We need to challenge their biases, so they can see more equality.
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