Why do some kids experience separation anxiety while returning to school after Covid-19?

Amrita lay crying in her mother’s lap, refusing to go to school. Her father was very tense because the Class VII student had neither missed classes before the pandemic, nor displayed such aberrant behaviour. Yet when school re-opened for this academic year, she would duck classes. There was no apparent reason for this girl’s behaviour as most children from different institutions had been mostly eager to get back to studies and meet their peers after the long Covid isolation.
Yet she was normal at home, playing with her friends in the neighbourhood, attending tuition classes and watching films. What both her teachers and parents couldn’t understand is that doing classes in a prolonged home-bound scenario had changed her sense of security and comfort. And she had coopted the new normal as permanent. She had clung excessively to her parents emotionally and refused to be separated.
Dr Harish Shetty.
On one occasion, the school principal asked Amrita’s father to drop her at school and make himself scarce so that her teachers could work on her fear and anxieties. They attempted to bribe her with chocolates, choice of seat in the classroom and even eased her homework. But she threw a massive tantrum. That’s when we realised that she was suffering from what we call a “separation anxiety disorder.”
HOW DO I KNOW MY CHILD HAS SEPARATION ANXIETY DISORDER?
This is a common mental health problem among children who are scared about being apart from family members or other close people. They refuse to move away from their safe homes and are helpless and unaware about assing themselves. All children and teens feel some anxiety while growing up as they are located in new realities. It is a normal part of growing up. It can be caused both biological and environmental factors.
WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS?
Apart from the tantrums that Amrita had, some kids suffering from the disorder may experience nightmares, poor sleep, palpitations at the thought of leaving home, sadness, depression and develop a very anxious temperament. A small minority may have had issues settling down in school during their pre-school days too. When we say environmental factors, marital conflicts may precipitate a crisis of insecurity and anxiety.
FIRST REACTIONS SCHOOLS AND PARENTS CAN BE VERY DAMAGING
The school handed out a terse warning to the parents: “Fix the problem and then send your child to school.” Amrita’s parents felt let down the otherwise very compassionate school and decided to shift cities, hoping a change of scenario would help their daughter.
Then there was societal judgement. Things went out of control as the child’s grandparents felt that she was passing through a bad astral phase and needed faith healers. Extended family members blamed the mother for excessively pandering to her demands in childhood. When things go wrong with kids, the mother is always the scapegoat. Feeling terribly guilty, Amrita’s mother took a long leave from her workplace. She would be devastated daily, seeing her daughter’s friends religiously getting up in the morning, wearing their uniforms and going to school. A couple of these friends also offered to escort Amrita to school but the girl remained stubborn.Yet, nobody thought about contacting a mental health team first.
WHY BOTH SCHOOLS AND PARENTS HAVE TO BE SENSITIVE
Our first round of intervention was to convince both parents and the school about this behaviour, loosely termed as “school phobia.” We had to do a lot of myth-busting as the school authorities besieged us with questions — “How can we condone her attendance in school despite her patchy presence? What if other kids emulate her and bunk classes? What if special attention vitiates the discipline of the class? What guarantee is there that the kid is not pretending and faking? What if she is addicted to gadgets?”
With a lot of reassurance, we helped the school understand that separation anxiety disorder is indeed a mental illness that is protected the Disability Act of 2016. So just as we condone the leave of a physically-ill child, allowing him/her time to recover, we should do the same for someone who is mentally ill. We also subtly emphasised that school help was mandatory for getting such kids back on track.
THE VICTORY MARCH OF CONFIDENCE
We began with relaxation exercises. We followed the drill of “little victory marches,” where we took the child around the school building in the evenings to re-familiarise her with the environment. After a couple of weeks, she was comfortable staying in the library for 30 minutes. She was spared the uniform and wore regular clothes during this phase. This continued for another couple of weeks. Slowly, she could attend one lecture a day. Six weeks later, she became a regular and had reclaimed all her spaces, pursuits and friends.
What we did was to take Amrita through a slow and graded exposure to the school environment. This is a delicate phase of taking ba steps where neither the school, nor the family can make any error. Even if it means patiently starting from ground zero. Every victory march needs to be supported teachers, family and the counsellor. In extreme cases, medication might also be necessary. Milder forms of the problem may just do well with reassurance and counselling.